Misread Intentions

Misread intentions - here's the glory boy's joy. Holed up in frustration over something that's pure. I don't even love you yet you fear for your life. Why interact when there are screens everywhere?

Misread intentions - no point in being coy. Just conversation is all I'm really asking. Friendship is not the same as romance. But second guessing intentions is an international sport. I'm sorry for interrupting I'd just thought I'd pass it on!

Misread intentions - stitched up to be the foil. I'd just appreciate honesty instead of dancing on my tiptoes around what is and what is not allowed. Mutual understanding remains demanding on a wavelength. Drift on away from the scene.

A sense from a broken time, another life. It's what they always say. Or rather what they don't. Leaving indecipherable hints when they could just say it.

Comply With My Regulations

Making schedules just to tear them up again. Living on frustrated dreams and tearing people inside out for making your job more difficult. It's the same as it was before - someone asks a question and you make a theatre of bile and ridicule. Share your anger and it ends up in the wrong place. A distant time yet the same face.

Withholding information for a long time as he hasn't done what I've told him. His complaints ring hollow to me even if they are the truth. Tired routines, tired excuses. I could gaslight him into losing weight, women have had to suffer it all these years, let's see how he deals with it. I don't want to hear him speak, the snivelling little gobshite. He's young so what the fuck does he know? Only I know where the answers are and not only that I HAVE THE ANSWERS TO EVERYTHING!

Send a little letter so that I can persuade them to take him off the list. I'll send it twice in case he rips up the papers. I've denied him proper medication for three years because the infection is more important. All those years telling him his bloods are okay. All I want is an easy life, string all these people one way or another if they happily comply with my regulations. This poor bastard didn't and it's his own fault.

The pain that he feels is real. He exhausted all options. But you believed there has to be some mistake. You look up for files that aren't there. He had the main thing done elsewhere. So what do you know about treating patients. What do we know about your patience? Very thin on the ground. Don't look at his face, just tell him to sit and don't move the chair.

If you really stopped caring, if you really stopped believing, if you would let a person speak out why they feel worried, we'd probably get somewhere. You and the people who work under you really go for the controlled aggression when a patient gets difficult. If they perceive something in my tone that's not really there, I'd apologise but not after rinsing their hands of me.

Keep playing god, you're the one who has an idea of how it really is!

Make Room In That Coffin

 Death frosted over as I'm looking for an escape. Dreaming of another world while stuck in a rut with a body scaling in skin. So many days are left just thinking of how many lives could be lost within someone's head in the span of morning, noon and night and all inbetween. I'm the one creeping out hoping no-one lets me in. 

Plastic embrace, wasted face. The thoughts of yesterday's lip fillers aimed high but no killers. Disappear into the outlet of memory. The thoughts fleeing into the recess of it all. I don't remember the standard life we had planned. And yet I don't understand how I feel when there's nothing left to feel but the pain inside my body. The hoodoo voodoo dolls got me good. I'm just surprised they haven't killed me yet.

You can see it all in the varnished truth that stakes its claim in lies. The machine we know so well can let us in on an answer that is being kept out by official sources. Smears, slurs and lies, the outlet of the rich descending across the nation, happily deciding the politics of every other nation. Dead heat = dead meat - we're in deep shit. The perameters of time won't heal us from the destruction we face.

Whatever you do, make room in that coffin for me. Whatever you see, don't tell them my name! 

It remains to be seen how I fare from the act of oversharing. The vicissitudes of modern life are a chore and I must be a deathly bore. Nevermind, I understand, I just wanted to get things off my chest. Pent up anxiety takes its toll on me and I could dream but then I can't.

I just wanted a clear conscience. I guess that's too much to ask for

Drown/Death Reheated

Follow into the echo chamber. Follow into the endless desire of a broken mind. Walking barefoot on glass splinters. The remedies we seek on further inspection. Lies, blame and deflection are the name of the game. I want to drown out her rampant paranoia or I wish that she would drown. I know it's not very polite but she drains the living daylights out of me.

Glass half empty, glass half full - what difference does it make which side you see it from. Throwing away half your history because of a fundamental misunderstanding. We could tell you everything and you'd still revert to your own superstitious intuition. I could make a guess but I can't sleep right now. Listen to the music and drown me out.

Cloistered in my own hermitic seal, the torment of living at the whim of others. What could we learn? What could happen if we were to be inside in another part of the world with something to live for. Here I just feel like I'm death reheated many times a day. Arguing over useless self-help manuals who wish to take 5 minutes of your life advertising useless junk.

Give her asylum so that she can live without draining the lives of everyone she meets. A paranoid energy vampire divulging too many plain secrets of madness to anyone who'll listen. Combine with cabin fever and she'll implode. Too much information on sordid details of her life living like the perpetual teenager. It gives you everything you never needed at all.

Drown in the sea of sound, of memory or of the distant past. The choice is anyone's yet I have the been defeated by the ghosts of anxiety and tension. I wish it all could just disappear even if I'm only ever going to feel disappointed that there was nothing to stop us at all. Nothing that could numb the pain.

 

Remedy The Renegade

Remedy the renegade. Chanting until the die is cast. Made me dream of another life that's deserted me. I'm on the outside looking back. No use for weapons here, no point in attack. I see you approaching in the coldness of the night. I wonder where it all went when time creeps by.

Sanction and sustain, times were we refrain. I'm growing old and more despondent. The lies I tell myself to keep my spirits up. "But do it with sincerity." Keep dreaming of an end of some sort if only just to tell myself that there's something. 

All I can focus on now is the pain that never leaves. All I can ask for is for something to work. Another prognosis with an unconfirmed shelf life. You know the story from here, we just write the words. Medication is all there is.

Shadow of The Environment

Turning faces to the same old tune. Mix me a molotov or fly me to the moon. The pain stops here or it inflames. Playing games with the order we've had before. Same old score. The clichés run in here as you would expect. I've come to expect nothing less. 

It's in the shadow of the environment. Cancelled appointments - the list of disappointments. Remember all your disturbed teenage dreaming. It'll never work here. But simplicity was the spice that came with a price. Your face in the shadows. Lurking in every memory.

Spindly wires have you remembering every disturbed teenage dream. The spaces between friends gets bigger. Spatially enclosed, the nightmares make you remember phrases in other languages. Even in bad syntax you get the blues. Piranhas in the bathtubs. The perfect place to bleed for careless translation in transport.

The injections will stop the pain only for a while. In the end there's always another diagnosis. If only things were perfect, these memories wouldn't hurt so much. How they rip me apart until I lay down and fall asleep again. These days I only dream in braille but maybe that's for the best when it happens.

In the shadow of the environment, I turn to you and I let go.