Skip to main content

Syndicate To Medicate (Something Has To In The End)

Shadows and whispers in time. Replicating every move that I've made in a lifetime of regret. Meditating from the grooves of sorrow that perhaps I should have forgotten. Tomorrow is another day to make the circumstances change in physiological demands. And what is your command?

Breathing is almost equal to the task but the pathways are empty. It's tempting to see what would have happened had we decided not to break down to a husk of a shell. Bloated from the lies I feed myself on. Whether they're mine or not doesn't matter. They're all part and parcel of the same thing I wanted to be a part of. But like some cartoon villain my plans were thwarted even if they were not evil at all. 

Antagonised arguments only exacerbate feelings. They've been left ragged and raw for years. A syndicate to medicate. I don't know where these things lie anymore. I don't know what's good for me, I just know that you'll make it worse if you had continued your way. 

The heat will kill me one of these days. They'll blame everything else but the heat will kill me. Something has to in the end.

Physiologically psychological and psychologically physiological. If you can tell the difference, you must be the specialist to beat all specialists. Tunnelling through the pieces of it all, to cling to outdated practices. To require a certain skill, to be a master of it all. I'm just left to my own bitter devices.

It requires a moment of a feeling to be retained. And then the teenaged me would write 'neurological patterns emerge like sleeping clocks'. I can't say if they ever did or not. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The One Who Gets In The Way

It seems blackly comical that I persist in loving you even after the time has long since past. You misreading situations from the past like time immemorial. You wanted to be queen, you wanted to have the same feeling that destroyed me as a teenager. Petty jealousies run rife with you. Now you've got someone who has the same petty jealousies you once had. I'm just the enemy who gets in the way. The feelings I believed in but was always too muted for your liking - too timid, no grandstanding acts of love and devotion. You pinpoint the negatives without looking at the reasons why. And if you did you'd twist them to suit your agenda. But then again, this time isn't your fault. You got ambushed when your guard was low and I would've worn you out with my medical provisions. It just hurts when I'm the one who gets in the way. My bitterness has always been a part of me. I've said we'll still be friends but I sometimes wonder if that's the right decision. The...

Cold And Cruel

  In the moment that the word was said, twist the knife in me. The fact she's not around makes it that much harder. You've moved on from me and to her dying day liked me for who I am. She went to the ends of town to get the right food that keeps me somewhat healthy. I couldn't repay her enough with my gratitude. I'll miss her. I'll miss you. What you saw as hatred was merely fury and frustration at your stubborn refusal. Goading and belittling a genuine interest in things you didn't see as a problem. You never did, the sounds of "see how good I am, see how I'm helping you" just felt like a self-knowing Mother Theresa mocking me even if it seemed genuinely good intentioned. I wish things turned out differently and my anger never showed. You'd still complain about things I never do to you and bring up old complaints again because you just want to lash out. You'd cut me to pieces and expect me to run like a big old dumb machine. But a moment o...

Being Talked Of As The Enemy

It's weird to hear myself being talked of as the enemy. I'm the one that steals his time with you. "What did he want?" I never thought I'd see the day. I never thought I'd be talked about like a pirate that hoards the bounty. I guess it must've always been this way. Down the lines of guilt entrapment, the recognition flows into seeing what we have here. Of what was and what is now. I guess I know my place in all this. I guess you enjoy one man's paranoia and lust and another's defeat. Go ahead and play the guilt, it doesn't change the mess I'm in. Yesterday's heroes are tomorrow's problems. There's nothing here that will change our lives. Closing the chapter. I wore you out with everything I had to deal with. I wish I had your energy now. I just feel you misread me on certain levels but it's not like I helped myself with my actions. I just wish I wasn't around to know of myself as the enemy.