Skip to main content

Mental Disintegration

You may know it all in the scene. The familiar drain that washes over your skin. I wondered why I live in dread when I feel as though I'm harassed at every turn. The mental disintegration was perfect. I could've cried like a child. You knew my weakness and exploited it after every loss.

Financial gain - it's always the same. Do we need to live in pain? The pills punch and kick. How come I missed a trick or two knowing you'd hide all there is. 

Haunted by flashbacks. 20 years of horrors. A controlling interest and a silly little boy who's ruined your projections. The mental disintegration was perfect. I could've died as I dialled. I lived in bahnhofs and dined on cheap chicken and pasta.

Where journeys go on pure voices if projections are to be believed. The time was spent - did you receive or deceive? Years alone and nestle through forests, woodlands and chimes. Remembrance is cruel but the torment is insatiable. You created replicas to dine on the feast of bad blood. Pretty soon I'll be bloodless but that's another story for another day.

Wasting time, wasting money, wasting away in conflicts of the past. Broken shards that splinter in secrecy. The mental disintegration was perfect as always. You knew my weakness and exploited it at all cost.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The One Who Gets In The Way

It seems blackly comical that I persist in loving you even after the time has long since past. You misreading situations from the past like time immemorial. You wanted to be queen, you wanted to have the same feeling that destroyed me as a teenager. Petty jealousies run rife with you. Now you've got someone who has the same petty jealousies you once had. I'm just the enemy who gets in the way. The feelings I believed in but was always too muted for your liking - too timid, no grandstanding acts of love and devotion. You pinpoint the negatives without looking at the reasons why. And if you did you'd twist them to suit your agenda. But then again, this time isn't your fault. You got ambushed when your guard was low and I would've worn you out with my medical provisions. It just hurts when I'm the one who gets in the way. My bitterness has always been a part of me. I've said we'll still be friends but I sometimes wonder if that's the right decision. The...
Post a Comment
Read more

Cold And Cruel

  In the moment that the word was said, twist the knife in me. The fact she's not around makes it that much harder. You've moved on from me and to her dying day liked me for who I am. She went to the ends of town to get the right food that keeps me somewhat healthy. I couldn't repay her enough with my gratitude. I'll miss her. I'll miss you. What you saw as hatred was merely fury and frustration at your stubborn refusal. Goading and belittling a genuine interest in things you didn't see as a problem. You never did, the sounds of "see how good I am, see how I'm helping you" just felt like a self-knowing Mother Theresa mocking me even if it seemed genuinely good intentioned. I wish things turned out differently and my anger never showed. You'd still complain about things I never do to you and bring up old complaints again because you just want to lash out. You'd cut me to pieces and expect me to run like a big old dumb machine. But a moment o...
Post a Comment
Read more
I used to daydream while in churches. Whenever the priest would drone on in his sermons, I was always fascinated by the speakers, the ceiling that looked like biscuit tin openers. I would imagine that a rope would come down the ceiling and by climbing up and pushing the ceiling open you would be located in this dark universe with creatures that would grab at your ankles. There was also a mirror facing the choir which I thought was a portal into another dimension which was similar but sinister. Whatever you would do, the shadows would mimic. Drawn out by the creatures. They would tie you up and put you on a clothes rack for people to look at you on display. They would send miniature versions of yourself into a doorway located in your chest, to see your body working as a clock.
Post a Comment
Read more