Skip to main content

Twinge Of Regret

A point. Deceptive to the cause. I wanted to be alone. I crush and falter to flatter. And here we are. Now where do we go?

You make it sound so easy. I wish I knew what to do. Pick up pieces and seek around. Document old failings. Be familiar. Your dreams are ever-fading in the plot lines of your tired story.

I find. I destroy. Same old, same old. Conversations have familiar structures. The constructs of familiar mechanisms. It's you who is, isn't it? Or do I find myself running by the old shame. Take the pictures with you. Everything felt flimsy, you were guided by whimsy.

I don't know anymore. Everything feels like an agenda creeping up. I've given up on the things I used to like. When is the time? What is the hour? The minutes of the agenda are restless in resting. I am the secret of an old enigma that's been given away. I sell myself at a price.

You make do. Accept someone who isn't. I look at the catalogue with a twinge of regret. It never ends. Repeat songs that made sense back then. Do they now? What does it matter? There's nothing to live up to but the shade of your broken dreams. And what were they all about anyway?

Cloak me up, send me in a parcel. Become something else. It's all I ever was meant for. Casually putting a different story together. The difficulty that it's become. Familiar reasoning won't last. You've got to find another way.

Here it comes, here it goes. Take it all so that nobody knows.  It's all that we have so do what you will. I'm not sure I have the heart for it anymore.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The One Who Gets In The Way

It seems blackly comical that I persist in loving you even after the time has long since past. You misreading situations from the past like time immemorial. You wanted to be queen, you wanted to have the same feeling that destroyed me as a teenager. Petty jealousies run rife with you. Now you've got someone who has the same petty jealousies you once had. I'm just the enemy who gets in the way. The feelings I believed in but was always too muted for your liking - too timid, no grandstanding acts of love and devotion. You pinpoint the negatives without looking at the reasons why. And if you did you'd twist them to suit your agenda. But then again, this time isn't your fault. You got ambushed when your guard was low and I would've worn you out with my medical provisions. It just hurts when I'm the one who gets in the way. My bitterness has always been a part of me. I've said we'll still be friends but I sometimes wonder if that's the right decision. The...

Cold And Cruel

  In the moment that the word was said, twist the knife in me. The fact she's not around makes it that much harder. You've moved on from me and to her dying day liked me for who I am. She went to the ends of town to get the right food that keeps me somewhat healthy. I couldn't repay her enough with my gratitude. I'll miss her. I'll miss you. What you saw as hatred was merely fury and frustration at your stubborn refusal. Goading and belittling a genuine interest in things you didn't see as a problem. You never did, the sounds of "see how good I am, see how I'm helping you" just felt like a self-knowing Mother Theresa mocking me even if it seemed genuinely good intentioned. I wish things turned out differently and my anger never showed. You'd still complain about things I never do to you and bring up old complaints again because you just want to lash out. You'd cut me to pieces and expect me to run like a big old dumb machine. But a moment o...

The Ruins of a Faded Life

Along the echoes, past the icy shores. Dreams of a longing going unrequited. You made your bets and came up short. Here he is, the golden child. Seeking bitterness out of the ruins of a faded life. Bowing to the music from another temple. He dreams of iconic nights in a sheen of paper dust. Watch the film roll and watch it all burn. Anxiety forms in the secret shadows, the faucet drips of a secret amnesia etching out familiar words to the former sacred mind. Disintegrating memories of compassion in a lifeless world. Business comes, business calls. Tomorrow's vendetta is last week's sense of dread. But hop in to think out for solutions in the week ahead. If death was the answer, it would have been too good. After all, how fortunate it is for me to want anything at all.