Skip to main content

Dull Man's Corner (A Living Embodiment)

There was something in the way, I guess it was me. There are no happy ends here, only the miserable mistakes of revulsion and revisionist lies. Clouded memories become different versions of events. Parting of the ways, the resignation of time. The bitter tendencies of all who remembered. Your jealousies became petty over time. Fostering resentments and half cooked ideas stolen from elsewhere.

It's a fine way to waste your life, looking at your idols with rose-tinted glasses. I struggled with a lack of identity, you see. I don't really succumb to trivial pursuits anymore because the mind and body don't align with one another. Get out your miniscule violins and rip them to pieces. I live back in the network of the forgotten, life passes them by without a single thought.

I don't know where I am to go next, I guess I rebuild myself into a dull man's corner. 

The dependancies of old are severed, you thought you could just slip away and everything would be alright but your little reveries only took into account your own feelings. It doesn't matter what I say or do, I'm just a living embodiment of your past. One your still bitter about in some aspects and one that I am too but for different reasons. I pour my bleeding heart story into the rivers and hope to make someone shiver. The price I pay for being on the receiving end of your verbal projectiles.

The reason of your misery is writ large, following around on the end of every vindictive joke you'll play. It's not the world but it's a start. In truth, I couldn't even promise you that because I was always worried when the rug would be pulled out from under me, treating it as a prank that someone set me up towards. You can't legislate for broken men and what they'll say or do.

You went for status, I don't even blame you. I guess I rebuild myself into a dull man's corner.

There is a limit to the emotional abuse you pull on me that you probably never knew. But I just paint myself into a dull man's corner. There's always room at the dull man's corner, come bring your baggage and live here with the rest of us. We'll show you our own little niches. Perhaps you'd like something more substantial.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The One Who Gets In The Way

It seems blackly comical that I persist in loving you even after the time has long since past. You misreading situations from the past like time immemorial. You wanted to be queen, you wanted to have the same feeling that destroyed me as a teenager. Petty jealousies run rife with you. Now you've got someone who has the same petty jealousies you once had. I'm just the enemy who gets in the way. The feelings I believed in but was always too muted for your liking - too timid, no grandstanding acts of love and devotion. You pinpoint the negatives without looking at the reasons why. And if you did you'd twist them to suit your agenda. But then again, this time isn't your fault. You got ambushed when your guard was low and I would've worn you out with my medical provisions. It just hurts when I'm the one who gets in the way. My bitterness has always been a part of me. I've said we'll still be friends but I sometimes wonder if that's the right decision. The...
Post a Comment
Read more

Cold And Cruel

  In the moment that the word was said, twist the knife in me. The fact she's not around makes it that much harder. You've moved on from me and to her dying day liked me for who I am. She went to the ends of town to get the right food that keeps me somewhat healthy. I couldn't repay her enough with my gratitude. I'll miss her. I'll miss you. What you saw as hatred was merely fury and frustration at your stubborn refusal. Goading and belittling a genuine interest in things you didn't see as a problem. You never did, the sounds of "see how good I am, see how I'm helping you" just felt like a self-knowing Mother Theresa mocking me even if it seemed genuinely good intentioned. I wish things turned out differently and my anger never showed. You'd still complain about things I never do to you and bring up old complaints again because you just want to lash out. You'd cut me to pieces and expect me to run like a big old dumb machine. But a moment o...
Post a Comment
Read more

Even If You Push First...

The morning raids my feelings. And we're left behind at the beginning. Did it ever matter that you ransacked me? That we occasionally still share a flat from time to time. I play getting by. But the loss is hitting me in ways I couldn't foresee. If you felt happy at being the one who brought me out of my shell, watch now and see me retreat into my lowly shell. I know who you see and I'm in an exercise group being the token bloke. The fascination stops there given I'm at the midway point among all else. I kept pushing and pushing but my body has given out. It's nice of you to say you feel guilty but it doesn't do much for me. I still live with the pain. There's not a whole lot from which I can gain. If I could retreat further, if I could all but disappear, maybe I could feel something again. Both of us will move out, another chapter in our lives gone. You just had to needle your way and blame past history on me. You never took account of your actions until yo...
Post a Comment
Read more